Lee M. Stillerman, PhD
Licensed California Psychologist
Self-Esteem: A Better Relationship With Yourself
Self-esteem isn’t about convincing yourself that you’re great or trying to feel good about yourself all the time. It grows from accepting yourself as you are, treating yourself with compassion when you struggle, and living in ways that earn your own trust and respect. That means taking responsibility for your choices, speaking up for yourself, acting according to your values, and recognizing that mistakes and shortcomings are part of being human. The goal isn’t to think you’re wonderful. It’s to become someone you can accept, trust, and be on your own side with.
Assertive Communication
Passive Behavior Is when someone gives up their own rights and (directly or indirectly) defers to the rights of another person. Passive behavior includes violating your own rights through inaction or by failing to express your thoughts, feelings or desires.
Assertive Behavior Includes standing up for your rights without infringing on the rights of others. Assertion involves expressing beliefs, feelings and preferences in a way which is direct, honest, appropriate and shows a high degree of respect for yourself and for others.
Aggressive Behavior Is when someone stands up for their own rights without regard for others. Aggression is self-expression which demands, attacks or humiliates other people, generally in a way which shows lack of respect for others.
2 Types of Assertion
1. I-Language Assertion
"When you __(behavior)__ , I feel / think ___________ ; So, I would like __(new behavior)__ .“
Example: "When you shout the effect is I am unable to work with you and I feel angry. Therefore, I would like for you to stop shouting and tell me what you want."
2. Empathic Assertion
Recognition of another person's situation or feelings followed by another statement standing up for the speaker's rights.
Example: "I know you are feeling angry and frustrated while you wait for a response. But, the best I can do is give you a ballpark estimate of how long It will take.“

