Lee M. Stillerman, PhD
Licensed California Psychologist
HUMOR: Sometimes it helps not to take everything so seriously.
Humor doesn’t make problems disappear. But it can change how we relate to them.
When we’re anxious, depressed, angry, or overwhelmed, our perspective tends to narrow. A problem can feel enormous. A mistake becomes a disaster. An awkward interaction becomes proof that something is wrong with us.
Humor can give us a little psychological distance. It allows us to step outside a situation—even briefly—and see it from another angle. The situation may not have changed. Our relationship to it has.
Not All Humor Is the Same
Researchers have identified four broad ways people use humor:
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Affiliative humor — Using humor to connect with others.
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Self-enhancing humor — Maintaining a humorous perspective, including when life is difficult.
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Aggressive humor — Sarcasm, ridicule, or humor at someone else's expense.
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Self-defeating humor — Making yourself the target, sometimes to gain acceptance or make others laugh.
I studied these different humor styles in my doctoral dissertation, which examined humor in relation to anxiety, depression, and stress.
One of the things I found particularly interesting was that self-enhancing humor was associated with lower anxiety, depression, and stress, while self-defeating humor was associated with higher levels of distress.
The takeaway isn't simply humor is good for you.
How we use humor matters.
Finding the Funny Doesn't Mean Ignoring the Bad
Humor isn't the same thing as positive thinking. Something can be frustrating, painful, embarrassing, or frightening and still contain something absurd or funny. Recognizing that doesn't erase what is difficult about it. Both can be true: This is awful. And this is a little ridiculous. Sometimes that second perspective gives us just enough distance from the first.