Lee M. Stillerman, PhD
Licensed California Psychologist
Why can't I stop thinking about something?
Humans think. A lot. Our brains are constantly trying to anticipate problems, avoid pain, and keep us safe. That’s useful—but it can also keep us stuck.Imagine a bunny sees a fox. Its fight-or-flight system kicks in. The fox leaves, and the bunny settles down. But if the bunny could think like we do, it might wonder: Where did the fox go? Is it coming back? What if it’s still nearby? Now the danger is gone, but the alarm system stays on.We do this all day. We keep wondering what the fox is up to.Thinking can fuel sadness, too. We replay the past, dwell on mistakes, and tell ourselves things like I’m no good or there must be something wrong with me.The problem isn’t that we have thoughts. It’s that we tend to treat them as facts.Thoughts aren’t reality. They’re mental events that come and go. We don’t have to take every one of them so seriously.
Thoughts impact feelings and behaviors.
Our feelings (and behaviors) are not caused by people or events or situations but rather by how we interpret those things. It is the meaning we ascribe to them; it is what we tell ourselves that contributes to our distress. Often what we tell ourselves is not only negative and self-defeating, but irrational. We Need not accept every automatic thought that pops into our heads. Rather, we can identify, evaluate, and even reframe thoughts. We can look for alternative perspectives that are more positive, realistic, and rational.The goal isn't to “believe” a different thought. The goal is to become more flexible in our thinking. Pay attention to yourself-talk. It is often helpful to track your thoughts and to become more aware of how they contribute to negative feelings and unhealthy behaviors.
Thoughts impact feelings and behaviors
Our feelings (and behaviors) are not caused by people or events or situations but rather by how we interpret those things. It is the meaning we ascribe to them; it is what we tell ourselves that contributes to our distress. Often what we tell ourselves is not only negative and self-defeating, but irrational. We need not accept every automatic thought that pops into our heads. Rather, we can identify, evaluate, and even reframe thoughts. We can look for alternative perspectives that are more positive, realistic, and rational.The goal isn't to “believe” a different thought. The goal is to become more flexible in our thinking. Pay attention to yourself-talk. It is often helpful to track your thoughts and to become more aware of how they contribute to negative feelings and unhealthy behaviors.
Attention is like a spotlight
We have a tendency to shine the spotlight on the thoughts that distress us the most. But we need not chase or pursue all of our most distressing thoughts. In fact, we need not DO anything with them. Rather, we can try to simply notice them and treat them as a passing phenomenon. Not trying to push them away, just being aware of them. Rather than being absorbed in a past that has already happened or consumed with a future that has yet to occur, we can attempt to live mindfully, in the present moment, here and now. We can try and practice simply being, i.e. “non-doing.” Our minds wander but the moment you realize you are not present, you become present. This is the essence of Mindfulness. Mindfulness is “the awareness that emerges through paying attention on purpose, in the present moment, and nonjudgmentally to things as they are." Only the present actually exists, everything else is just a story about the past or the future. Thoughts are just thoughts. When a thought pops into your mind, try to become aware of it. Notice the thought when it arises, and when it eventually passes. Cultivate an attitude of Mindfulness: beware of the stuff in your mind but try not to attach to it.
Free guided meditations:
Relationship between Anxiety & Performance
The relationship between performance and anxiety follows an inverted-U shape, where moderate anxiety enhances performance by improving focus and alertness, while too little or too much anxiety can impair it.